


Kingsman Playbook, Rule 1 : When challenged, go hard or go home

by Curiawesome



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Eggsy is ambitious, Eggsy wants to best Harry so bad, Harry is just happy to be alive you little shit, M/M, Merlin Is So Done (Kingsman), alternative title: a hands-on guide to in-relationship honeypots, public humiliation if you squint, they fuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-18 04:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15477555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curiawesome/pseuds/Curiawesome
Summary: "The day you get any of that tomfoolery past me will be the day I will let you drive my car, Eggsy."Eggsy knew it had been meant as a fancy way of saying 'never', but he was terrible at ignoring a challenge - with a reward like that, even more of an impossibility.





	Kingsman Playbook, Rule 1 : When challenged, go hard or go home

**Author's Note:**

  * For [rukimatsumoto](https://archiveofourown.org/users/rukimatsumoto/gifts).



> So my friend reblogged this years ago:  
> https://bit.ly/2mWVTqB  
> Quick transcript cause y'all won't want to click that:  
> "He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning."
> 
> And I wrote this in her inbox.
> 
> Enjoy :D

Nothing escaped Harry Hart when he was his usually alert self. Eggsy had tried everything in his power, tested every limit, had tried to nick any and every small thing around impeccable Harry Hart - and had subsequently been told off every single time.

It had become more of a habit than the need for cool, or completely necessary, shit. It had been a habit, then. It had been a habit until Harry had rolled his eyes and said "The day you get any of that tomfoolery past me will be the day I will let you drive my car, Eggsy."

Eggsy knew it had been meant as a fancy way of saying 'never', but he was terrible at ignoring a challenge - with a reward like that, even more of an impossibility. From that day on, he had tried everything. Every trick, every means of distraction, everything and anything to get those proverbial keys. Actually he had tried the keys more times than anything else, just to get the point across in case he managed. He never did. It infuriated him.

"Please, Eggsy," Harry said when he stopped Eggsy's hand mid-air, grabbing his wrist, then reclaiming his lighter, "I appreciate your dedication, but you do not think that trying every trick in the book yet another time will heighten your chances, do you?"

Eggsy frowned. Well, there was one last trick he had up his sleeve. But he had to give up, first.

Of course, he had done that a couple of times, too. Pretend to give up and try to lure Harry into a sense of fake security. He had tried that plus alcohol. It had not worked any better than trying to steal from sober Harry.

God knew he had tried to leave their bedroom out of these things, but he was young and ambitious. He REALLY wanted to show Harry that he could. And maybe, just maybe, rub it in his face in the process. And it was only natural, that he would finally resort to more un-gentlemanly means. Hell, even honey pot missions were getting pretty commonplace these days.

So he bided his time. Weeks passed. Seven, to be exact. So when he went to Harry's place and Harry had the fantastic idea to break out the Good Scotch, Eggsy knew his time had come. He kept nipping on his own glass, blatantly flirting with Harry, who in turn cut in with more classy double-entendres.It was a routine by now, almost like clockwork.

When a strong hand seemingly absent-mindedly started to stroke his thigh, Eggsy knew it was going to work.

"God, Harry," he whispered. He inched closer on Harry's horrible couch. "You be'er get to it, 'cuz you been gone for way long." He followed up with a somewhat desperate kiss, very little acting required.

He had missed this, missed it every time he knew he could not just get in a car, a train, his sneakers and get right over to Harry's stupid flat. That was every time either of them was out in the field, really. Harry responded in kind, pulling him in, kissing deeply and a little unrefined. Eggsy climbed into his lap. He pushed his hands over shoulders and into hair and - in just as unrefined a manner - rolled his body against the older agent. They had lost their jackets upon entry, respectively, and now they were losing their shirts, too.

"Eggsy," Harry rasped when he pulled him out of his undershirt, "let's take this upstairs, shall we?"

Eggsy swallowed. He just had to go with it for now. Nothing he'd rather do right now. His eyes dipped down, then came up.

"You do me, then?" he asked and licked his lips. Harry's hands were on his hips and Harry laughed.

"Well, if you ask me so nicely, I just might." They somewhat slowly scrambled upstairs in a tangle of limbs and kisses and touches and Eggsy would have LOVED to just enjoy it, but there was work to be done. He kept close track of Harries perfect pants when they finally made it to the master bedroom. It was a bit of mental gymnastics as both Harry and he were increasingly hard and his body was hot and wanting and he was THIS close to just abandoning this and just take and give whatever came his way until he did not NEED so much anymore.

Then he saw Harry emptying his pockets onto his nightstand. Work first, he told himself and started tearing off his clothes. He straightened his back and forced himself to speak the most posh, pretentious accent he could possibly muster. "If you would, then, good Sir, unless you want me dead of cockblock."

Harry laughed. "Stop that," he said in just that accent.

"Then fuck me," Eggsy deadpanned and tore Harry out of his remaining boxers.

"Alas," Harry answered and hungryly pushed their bodies, their mouths together. The kiss was quick and hot and everything Eggsy wanted. "Fuck you it is."

They clung together and just toppled over into Harry's bed. It was an amazingly noiseless model. Eggsy made sure to roll in a way that put him in easy reach of the nightstand. He made a show of getting condoms and lube. He left the Blackberry well where it was. 

Harry let him lay him down and fuck himself open, no problem. Eggsy was sure he had a thing for that, judging by how red his face, his neck, his shoulders went when Eggsy put on a show for him.

Now it worked to his advantage, as Harry Hart finally slid into him, screwing his eyes shut, moaning with increasing volume as Eggsy applied every bit of expertise he had.

He moved and  moaned almost obscenely when he was not talking absolutely vile filth. "God, Harry, so good, jus', FUCK, missed your damn COCK, jus' love, AAAaaa~h, love all of you, jus', jus' TAKE ME, you fuckin'..."

He trailed off and let out the most pornographic moan when he felt Harry's fingers dig deeper into his hips.

Harry threw his head to the side and Eggsy, in a moment of complete Zen clarity, nicked his Blackberry from the night stand. He accidentally pushed some buttons. Nobody could blame him, he had Harry Hart's dick in him, rubbing him all the right ways. He would mentally compliment himself about his wits after he watched Harry come undone under him. First round was always most civilized. With a couple more rolls of Eggsy's hip, Harry's controlled roll of his own hips lost all rhythm and with a beautifully loud, hoarse "Eggsy", Harry Hart came. It was amazingly fulfilling, no pun intended. Rubber in between, anyway.

A quick glance at the Blackberry had Eggsy grinning. It was still recording.

____________________________

Eggsy had an incredibly hard time keeping the smug grin of triumph from his face.

After the first breathy "Eggsy" Harry had identified his phone as the source of noise, but it took him another loop of flesh on flesh and orgasm to dig it out.

While the other agents pretended this was not happening (other than Merlin, that is, who was having a hard time keeping a straight face, too), Harry turned the phone off, fighting visibly to appear nonchalant.

"Your keys," Eggsy said into the awkward silence.

He felt at least as good as after orgasm number 2. 

So he held his hand out. A flash of realization shot over Harry's face. He sighed and dug in his pockets.

"You, Eggsy, are unbelievable," he simply said.

The other agents had learned not to ask.


End file.
